The Universal happily ever after
The happily ever after desired when coming from the trenches of a high-conflict divorce is pretty universal:
- What you are legally entitled to financially
- A parenting situation that is in the best interests of the children
Achieving your HEA
Achieving your HEA requires a series of steps that begin with making the epic decision to take this journey. It takes courage to embark on this journey as it will require you to learn new skills and self-sufficiency. It is a lot easier just to stay in the trenches and rely on prayer, third parties and luck to get there. But not nearly as effective. Learning the skills to transform from desperate to powerful is the pathway to your HEA.
Taking responsibility for your role
The more responsibility that you can take for where you are, the more power you will have on this journey to your HEA. Look at where you are right now and think about the things you have done that created this circumstance for you. That doesn’t mean beat yourself up. It means owning the decisions you have made that created your reality.
I used to believe that I had nothing to do with my ex-husband’s infidelity and lack of engagement with our son. The truth is, I tolerated things just to keep our marriage together because I chose a crappy marriage over a self-respectful divorce. I also believed that I was the best parent for our son and I took over that role. I facilitated my husband’s disengagement.
Influencing third parties
I know you want to tell me that you cannot achieve your HEA because
- the judge is corrupt
- the GAL didn’t get it
- the custody assessor believes your ex
While you cannot control what other people think and do, you can control how you show up every time you speak with a third party that may weigh in on your HEA. If you think the third party is incapable or unethical, I promise you that will bite you in the ass. Those thoughts make you anxious and how compelling are you when you are anxious?
This is the kind of work you can do with a coach if you are willing to do hard things. This is the work worth doing because it will get you to your HEA and you will evolve from fearful to calm and confident.