In separation and divorce how you think about your circumstance has a big impact. Do you think with scarcity or abundance during this time? I promise you that avoiding a scarcity mindset will help you achieve your divorce goals. This matters with big goals like custody, support, and emotional wellbeing.
What is a scarcity mindset?
People with a scarcity mindset see life as having a finite amount of everything. Let’s use the example of money. If you have a scarcity mindset you think there is only so much of everything in the world and if someone has a lot, there is less for everyone else. Any aspect of your life can be looked at as a pie, and if someone takes a big piece of the pie, there is less pie left for the rest.
The scarcity mindset has a very short term focus. Feelings of sadness, fear, anger, jealousy and victimhood live in the scarcity mentality. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough energy, and a reluctance to take action to improve the current situation. This is not an ideal mindset for winning at divorce.
What is an abundance mindset?
People with an abundance mindset have a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. They believe the there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. The focus is not just on how the pie is divided but on how to make the pie bigger. You have your own power to make the pie bigger.
The abundance mentality has a long term focus. Thinking tends to be creative, opportunity seeking, and solution focused. Decision making skills are optimal and you can see so many more possibilities. This is ideal for handing separation and divorce as it encourages you to improve the situation and take massive action rather than dwelling on what was unfair.
Using an abundance mentality to win at divorce
- Work on your emotional health above all else. Your brain will want to tell you that you don’t have the time or money for exercise, yoga, meditation, good nutrition, therapy, or a divorce coach. What if you cannot afford not to be emotionally well? Actually, if you want to win, this is the truth. Make the investment in yourself. Healthy parent equals healthy child. The better you are emotionally, the stronger you are as a litigant, a mother, and client to your lawyer.
- Get professional help navigating your divorce. Understand that this is all new to you and there are people who can make the process smarter and faster. This investment will save you lots of money and time over the journey.
- Consider legal expenses as an investment in your future and your child’s safety. I am not suggesting that you have to love paying your lawyer but you need to stop resenting it. Get the best lawyer you can and let them do their job. For more details on choosing the best lawyer for your case, send me a message and I will send you my amazing video.
- Set aside focus time every week exclusively for working on your case. Document fiercely and put everything into compelling spreadsheets. Click here for an example. This is an example of putting your value into the world.
- Be the best client your lawyer has ever known. Go all in and provide them with everything they ask for in a timely manner. Arm them with the evidence they need to win for you. Don’t make them read a fat journal. Create spreadsheets and timelines that will amaze them. Foster a productive and respectful relationship with your lawyer.
Some real life examples from my clients
- One mother facilitated supervised access for her 2 and 5 year old with their father every weekend for several months. She used the time to do work, including filling out her spreadsheets for her lawyer. This investment in time proved she did not alienate and kept her children safe.
- A single mom without income purchased a 6 month contract with me because she chose to see the value of being coached through custody assessments. She now has full custody of both children and child support. She has no regrets about the short term expense to achieve her long term goal.
- Several clients have hired me to help them assess if their current lawyer is best for their case or if there is a better choice. They understand that this is a skill set to which they have no prior experience or frame of reference. Another case of short term investment to help make the best decisions.
- My clients think about people who can add value to their case. They explain the circumstance and request affidavits from these people.
Marianne Williamson said “the key to abundance is meeting limited circumstances with unlimited thoughts. Notice this is not about money. It is about maximizing your grey matter so that you can achieve your desired result. Invest abundantly in yourself and your divorce case. You will reap the rewards.