September 21, 2020 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

If I had a dollar for every client who said to me: “I just want this to be over” I would be a very wealthy coach.

My advice is always the same: You really don’t want it to be over if you get a crap deal. If you don’t achieve your divorce goals in terms of custody, safety for you and your children, and financial support, it is best that it is not over. It pays to be ruthlessly patient in divorce.

It is not better there than here

We all like to think that everything will be better once we finish something. Life will be perfect once we have lost 20 pounds, once we have finished our degree, once we have a divorce agreement in place. But here is the truth: life is still 50/50 even once you are skinnier, smarter and more divorced. That is because the human experience means feeling good half of the time and feeling bad the other half, regardless of your circumstance. If you would like to understand this concept better please have a peak at this blog post.

When it pays to be ruthlessly patient

Quite often time can be your friend in a divorce battle. If the children’s access schedule is working well, best to keep things status quo as long as possible.

For example, I have a client who has been chasing her ex husband to mediate and settle the case. He eludes her attempts, and his lawyer doesn’t even answer these requests. The chase was costing her lawyer fees and not getting her any closer to resolution. The young child of the marriage is happily living with mom, and dad isn’t taking any judicial action to change his access with the child. This is a perfect opportunity to be ruthlessly patient. Doing nothing is benign. The case is not settled but… so what? Status quo is just fine.

You don’t need it to be done

Every time you tell yourself, or anyone else who will listen, “I just need this to be done” please remind yourself that is a lie. You don’t need it to be done. You are fine and you can handle this. I understand that you may prefer it to all be over, but not at the expense of an unfavourable resolution.

I like to remind my clients that it will be over when it is supposed to be over, and not a second earlier. Be patient in divorce. There is a lot to be learned in the process and tremendous personal evolution is the by product.