Have you ever noticed that your brain has a seriously negative bias? It would have you hanging out in worst case scenario thinking all day if you let it.
Your brain has been running a program called “what is going wrong right now” for decades. Time to reprogram and spend some time in best case scenario thinking.
Why your brain likes worst case scenario
Your brain is a prehistoric organ. Back in the day, it was responsible for keeping you from being eaten by a lion. It sent messages to you (in the form of thoughts) that instructed you not to leave the cave.
Same brain…different era. Being eaten by a predator is not a current worry. I know you may feel like you are being preyed upon by the court system. It may be difficult to convince your brain that your ex, or the judge or the opposing counsel is not a lion.
Here’s the truth – there are no lions. Your brain is f**king with you. If you listen to your prehistoric brain, you will sit in worst case scenario thinking, and marinate in panic. It’s pretty hard to show up as a compelling litigant in court or as an awesome parent when you are drowning in anxiety.
Spend some time in best case scenario
This takes some very deliberate thought work because your brain is not used to hanging here. You will need to prompt your brain with questions and thoughts like:
- What if the judge totally sees through the lies?
- I can explain the issues clearly to the custody assessor using facts and examples
- My divorce goals are reasonable and I will get there no matter what
- I have surrounded myself with an amazingly competent team
- My kids will figure this out
- This is creating my resilient future self
- My kids will be amazing because they have me
Brains like to be right
Brains love to be correct and will scan the universe for evidence to prove it’s thoughts correct. If you believe what happened should not be happening – your brain will find how that is true. If you decide that nothing is going to work out, your brain will filter out everything that is possible in terms of working out so it can be correct. Not helpful at all and very discouraging.
Think best case scenario at least half the time
There is not merit to worst case scenario thinking. It does not protect you from bad things happening. It just makes you feel afraid and from that place you will not be able to take amazing action toward achieving your goals.
Why not hang out at least 50% of the time in best case scenario? There is no downside to this exercise. Doing this will help you feel more calm and confident. From that energy, you can make better decisions and find solutions that you would not have been able to previously consider. This will enable you to take the action needed to achieve your divorce goals.