• How to get your ex to yes

    I have been experimenting with a technique of communication for the high-conflict ex. Employ when you need him to say yes to a request. It is especially effective when your children are asking for a deviation from the regular parenting schedule. I call it the "cafeteria plan."  Here is how it works: Figure out exactly what you or your children want. Clearly ask for that...
  • The 3 faces of a narcissistic ex

    If you are divorcing a narcissistic ex, you better buckle up.   Without adequate armour,   you are heading onto the football field to play in the Superbowl...missing a helmet.     The 3 faces of a Narcissistic Ex Your narcissist ex will vacillate between 3 personas to suit their agenda: Hero Aggressor  Victim.    1. The Hero This is the ex who pretends to be accommodating.   This is to...
  • Win your custody battle

    You may not know this about me, but I too was in a custody battle. When my son was 13, just before his Bar Mitzvah, I learned that my ex had a girlfriend. I was shocked... but not surprised. There were several times that I suspected infidelity. The marriage had been hanging on by a thread for many years but I was trying to...
  • The Smear Campaign

    Is your ex spreading negative nonsense about you? To anyone who will listen... Including your own kids? If so, he is waging a smear campaign.   What's a smear campaign? Let's just call it negative propaganda designed to damage your reputation. It is your ex's narrative to anyone who will listen chock full of: distortions half-truths vicious lies The smear campaign is part of the playbook for the...
  • I am divorced – should I get a dog?

    Do you ever wonder if a dog is the answer to all your divorce drama? A cuddly creature to soothe your kids. Puppy balm for the soul.   Today I thought I would revisit a blog from a few years back to give you my take on this. (If you did not know this about me, besides being a badass divorce coach, I was a veterinarian for 24...
  • Lawyers and Oncologists

    Here's a brain bender for you...   A lawyer is as important in your divorce battle, as an oncologist would be in a potential cancer battle.   An ex who behaves like a terrorist Is as malignant As a cancerous tumour in your body.   So when you feel distraught about legal fees, consider what you would pay to have cancer removed from you or your child.   An effective lawyer saves lives. An effective lawyer saves...
  • The thought that guts a marriage

    For the longest time, I was convinced that I was the "victim" of my husband's infidelity. I was sure that our divorce was 100% on him.   Here was my narrative: I was a good wife, an amazing mom, fit and healthy. I prepared nice meals. I worked part-time and contributed to the family income. I devoted myself to remediating our son who had several developmental challenges.   All...
  • From Vet to Divorce Coach

    Did you know I was a veterinarian? Yup. Small animal practice (dogs and cats) for 24 years. I loved it. Why would a vet become a divorce coach? Let's just say I had a "higher" calling. I had a need to share all of my mistakes...and course corrections with the planet. I needed to make sure other people did not step in the same landmines...
  • Focus on fact over fault

    I have a pearl of wisdom for you to lean on: focus on fact over fault.  What does this mean? It means stop villainizing your ex, or the court, or your ex's lawyer, or anything outside of yourself. Just describe the facts of the equation. Leave your narrative and the drama out of it. I know - this sounds uncompassionate. There are a million...
  • Fear…to anger…to amusement

    The more I coach, the more I see patterns. This appeals to the nerdy scientist in me. Here is my latest discovery: In a high-conflict divorce, your emotions move from fear...to anger...to amusement. As you emotionally mature through these phases, your success on the battlefield will grow stronger. This will propel you to move from high-conflict engagement with your ex to becoming...
  • Get unstuck from your divorce

    Do you ever find yourself watching the couples walking down the street hand-in-hand? Or sit at a restaurant and see a couple totally engaged in conversation, sipping a glass of champagne? Do you have a friend who divorced and moved forward in every way - professionally, emotionally, romantically? A person who has l transformed into a happier, more productive evolved version...
  • If your ex cheated is he an unfit parent?

    I bet your ex cheated. Mine did too. This is one of the most predictable ingredients of the high-conflict divorce and an integral part of the ex with a personality disorder. What makes it even worse is that he is not remorseful. He may even blame you for his infidelity. I am not a therapist Let's not try to analyze the pathology of all...
  • Building your dream life

    I often speak with my clients about their path out of this stinky mess into their dream life. At the very minimum, this means creating self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency is the foundation of your dream life. The rest of your dream life is up to your imagination. So, run with it! Some of my clients want to create an empire. I have one client who...
  • “Woe is Me” Syndrome

    If you think your husband owes you more than you are legally entitled to because he was an asshole or because he cheated - you are suffering from Woe is Me Syndrome. This is the starting place for many gals who join my Lifeline Sorority. It is a yucky place to inhabit. Living in Woe is Me Syndrome is like marinating in...
  • Stop tolerating the BS

    Want to turn down the temperature of your high-conflict divorce? Stop tolerating the BS. Quit tolerating the BS from your kids, the ex, the ex's new partner, your new partner, and the ex's lawyer. If you don't, you will spend most days in a tailspin. Good luck performing at work. You will be pissy around your kids. And your legal fees will be...
  • Want a fair settlement?

    I am going to guess that your top goal for 2022 is a fair settlement both in terms of parenting and financially. You don't want to rape anyone or win, you just want what you are legally entitled to. So why are you concocting crazy deals that prejudice you? Why are you prepared to walk away from what is rightfully yours?...
  • Are you a Weenie parent?

    Many of you know that I have a 20-year-old son named Benjamin. He and I have been through a lot together over the last 20 years including navigating a significant developmental delay and a 4-year hurricane divorce journey. This history plays on my present with him in how I show up as his mom. Recently I realized that I have used...
  • Strategic communication

    Let me tell you about a client who thought she needed to "defend" herself and set the record straight in the email wars between her and her ex. Reems of emails back and forth that went in front of a judge when she attempted to get a protective order. Guess what? The judge could not figure out who the problem...
  • “What if” thinking

    If you find yourself spending the majority of your time in a heightened state of anxiety, you are probably indulging in "what if" thinking. This is not a fun way to spend your time. If your goal is to calm the f*ck down so you can breathe, enjoy your kids and show up as a functional person, this post is...
  • Pay attention to these red flags

    If you want to minimize the drama and maximize the chance of a fair settlement in your divorce, you need to pay attention to these red flags. The lawyer who threatens to fire you A lawyer who is not willing to collaborate with you may seem like the expert who has it all under control. Don't be fooled. There is a no...