Just because you are divorcing a terrorist doesn’t mean things won’t be okay. There will be turbulence for sure, but you will be fine. I promise. Stop telling yourself otherwise. Dare to be hopeful.

Worry only seems useful

Your brain will offer you lots to worry about during your divorce battle. The primitive brain was designed to keep you safe and point out the danger. To keep you in the cave so you don’t get eaten by a lion. It will offer you thoughts that freak you out about all of the bad things that might happen.

This is the time to reign it in. Thinking about all of the terrible things that are possible will keep you disengaged from the present. It will prevent you from making decisions from a place of calm confidence. Worry will have you behaving from a state of fear which will generate sub-optimal results. It will rob you of your connection with your kids, your job and your life.

Worry seems so important and useful. The reality is that it is of no value.

Accruing hope

Hope is a feeling, and like all feelings, it comes from your thoughts – not from your circumstance. You can be hopeful in any circumstance. If your child was sick, you would dare to be hopeful that s/he will recover.   There is no downside to daring to be hopeful.

Here are some thoughts to try on that will inspire hope:

  • I will get through this
  • we are becoming resilient
  • I am surrounding myself with an A-team
  • the truth will come out
  • I am the best advocate for my child

Your curriculum

Your divorce battle is over when it is supposed to be over…and not a second before that. First, you need to learn all of your lessons. This curriculum has been specifically designed for you.

If there is discomfort – ask yourself, what is here for me to learn? What is my curriculum? Maybe it is learning to set boundaries. Perhaps it is dropping your Manual for your ex. For some of my clients, it is remediating their lifelong habit of people-pleasing. Does any of this resonate? These are the valuable lessons that create an evolution of self during your divorce battle.


Dare to be hopeful that you will not only survive this battle but evolve into the fiercest, most confident, competent, courageous version of yourself.