September 7, 2021 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

Divided Loyalties

If you have a Nanny that works between you and your ex’s household, and your ex pays the Nanny – beware. Even if you are the A+ parent, the Nanny may feel a need to endorse and support the Payor. Please don’t share a Nanny with your ex.

I saw this exact situation play out with one of my clients. In her affidavit submitted to support the Dad,   she professed what an excellent father he was, and made several untrue statements about the mother’s character. The level of betrayal was beyond painful.

Your Nanny is a flying monkey

Please be hyper-vigilant around your Nanny because the Nanny can be a “flying monkey” who could easily create damage by taking sides during your polarized battle. The Nanny may not even know if s/he is being used as a flying monkey to transmit information between households.

Should I fire the Nanny?

If you are in a high-conflict custody battle and you are sharing a Nanny with your ex, yes – I would definitely recommend replacing her/him.

If you have your own Nanny, you do not need to terminate her/him. Your kids need stability and normalcy. It is just best to know this can happen and to prepare for it. This means keeping all legal documents locked or hidden and do not chat with your Nanny about the case. I would also recommend always being vigilant about your behaviour in front of the Nanny with regard to drinking, partners, spending, and language.

Important takeaways

  1. Be extremely cautious with whom you share your battle – be incredibly discerning.
  2. Sharing a Nanny is high risk in a high-conflict divorce.
  3. Pay your Nanny directly so that s/he is not indebted to someone else.
  4. The choice to have a Nanny provide testimony in the form of an affidavit is not ideal for anyone. It puts the Nanny in a precarious situation where s/he may need to attend the litigation and be questioned by opposing counsel.