I have a pearl of wisdom for you to lean on: focus on fact over fault.
What does this mean?
It means stop villainizing your ex, or the court, or your ex’s lawyer, or anything outside of yourself. Just describe the facts of the equation. Leave your narrative and the drama out of it.
I know – this sounds uncompassionate.
There are a million ways that your ex has been horrible. Outrageous. Vicious.
I don’t doubt that for a second. I validate every vitriolic message that has been received. But focusing on that is not going to get you to the finish line – peacefully disentangled, children unscathed, financially secure.
Use this when talking to third parties
Focusing on fact over fault is an essential skill if you want to maintain credibility when speaking with these third parties:
- custody assessors
If you have a story about how you and your children have been wronged (and I am sure you do or you wouldn’t be reading this) write it down and highlight only the facts.
What are the facts?
Anything that the entire planet would agree is true and is provable.
The rest of the story is your commentary. Very valid but not to be shared with these third parties.
Re-write the story with just facts.
That is the version you tell to third parties. Not minimized, but free of drama.
Tell that story with curiosity and compassion instead of contempt.
That is the recipe that will make you the most compelling parent and litigant on the planet.