August 10, 2020 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

Moving forward during divorce is possible. Today I want to introduce the possibility of moving forward professionally or romantically, despite your divorce.

Last week I spoke about the importance of generating love, validation and support for yourself. Once you have “cleaned up your own act” and done the work to move forward personally, you can entertain the idea of moving forward in other aspects of your life.

There are 3 key components to achieving your dreams professionally and romantically:

  • massive action
  • failure tolerance
  • rejection tolerance

Massive Action

Massive action is the term I use to describe the commitment to taking steps toward your goal until you achieve it NO MATTER WHAT. It doesn’t matter what your goal is. It could be a specific title at work, a certain level of income, a new life partner, or completing a marathon. Expect to hit obstacles and red lights. Recalibrate and re-route. Quitting is not an option.

Massive action means if you have not yet achieved the desired result, you have not yet taken the amount of action that you need to take.

Obstacles to taking Massive Action

Massive action is a pretty simple concept but here is where the commitment to massive action might get a bit wobbly. By taking massive action, you expose yourself to ongoing repeated failure and rejection.

Rejection and failure are both feelings. A feeling is nothing more than a vibration that you experience in your body in response to a thought that you are having. Feelings do not actually harm you. They may feel uncomfortable, but they are temporary.

Fear of Failure

Failure is a feeling that most of us try to avoid. We consider it a negative emotion. Many of us will fail before we even start because of this. In fact, we may be reluctant to commit to taking massive action because our minds are full of thoughts like: I can’t do this, I won’t succeed, if I fail there is something wrong with me.

What would happen if you learned to embrace failure and consider it a stepping stone to success? My first attempt at Facebook ads did not generate even one lead (my goal was 50 leads?). The only reason that I am still here blogging and coaching is because I decided in advance that any failures that I encounter are are just a part of the process to creating a successful business. I have come to expect to fail my way forward to success. I have become totally comfortable with this, and you can too.

Fear of Rejection

Rejection is a feeling in your body, a physical sensation the feels a lot like shame. Your brain wants to make a big deal of it and make you feel like you are about to die.

Women especially are taught to think there is nothing more humiliating than social rejection. A love interest saying no to you may be interpreted by your brain to mean you are a hideous unlovable troll that should be ashamed for even existing.

It is possible to view social rejection as no big deal. You get to choose what to make rejection mean and what even counts as rejection. Often what your brain is interpreting as rejection has absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps the person did not need your business services. Perhaps they are hung up on their ex. You can believe that hearing “no” is just a part of the process and decide not to take it personally.

Moving forward Professionally

Once you have cleaned yourself up on the inside and decided in advance what you will think about rejection and failure, it is time to start dreaming!

What do you want to contribute to the world? What value do you bring to the world? How do you want to think about time, with abundance or scarcity? Do you really need to wait for the divorce to be finalized before you embark on a professional dream?

Moving forward Romantically

Newsflash…dating is not supposed to be magical. When someone does not want to go on another date with you, your brain will suggest that you are unattractive or unlovable. Could there be other explanations? Maybe he is questioning his sexuality. Maybe she isn’t over her ex. You get to believe you are a peach. Unfortunately, not everyone likes peaches. Make peace with that.

Is it possible for you to see sexual rejection as no big deal? Here is the thing with dating. It is 100% unsuccessful until it is successful. If you believe that the happiest people go on 100 “first dates” to find their soul mate then going on 50 is no big deal.

Be Unstoppable

If you are willing to experience rejection and failure you will be unstoppable in going after what you want. Moving forward during divorce is possible! Commit to taking massive action, learn to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and you can achieve anything.