August 4, 2020 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

Most of us in the thick of the battle don’t even contemplate moving forward during divorce. Today I want to show you how to start moving forward, in spite of your divorce.

Have you ever dared to think about what you want in your life? What are your dreams and passions? If the divorce, kids or finances were not a factor, what would you be doing? Where would you be living? What would your life look like? Would you have a life partner or a business?

Part 1: Moving forward personally

Before you can consider moving forward professionally or romantically, I want to suggest that the first step should be evolving within yourself. Whatever belief systems and baggage that you are holding on to will travel with you into future relationships in love and in business. It is worth having a look at cleaning this up before involving others.

Source love, validation and support from within

Essentially what I am eluding to in moving forward personally during divorce is to become your own unconditional source of love, support and validation. The process to achieving this is different for everyone. Meditation, mantras, personal life coaching, therapy, yoga are all avenues to learn to self generate love.

You may have noticed that the more you actually try to get love approval and support from others the less you actually get of it. The benefit of doing this work is that you will no longer need to source love outside of yourself when you are an abundant source of love for yourself.

The benefits of self generating love

You will no longer feel a need to people-please to achieve validation. You will feel comfortable in asserting boundaries and no longer exposing yourself to unsafe or toxic behaviour. There will be no need to micro-manage the behaviour of others because you will stop interpreting their behaviour to mean anything about you.

Stop arguing with reality

You get to decide what you want to think about everything that has happened. This is an amazing opportunity to surround the facts of your situation with a narrative that feels self respectful. You can reconcile what is, and consider that everything is exactly as it should be, no matter what it looks like. Every time you argue with reality, you lose. You can instead radically accept your circumstance with self compassion.  Try on the belief that you are exactly where you need to be right now.

Become your own best friend

Speak to yourself with compassion and respect and curiosity. Be very deliberate with your self talk. Your brain will offer you many thoughts that criticize. Put a hard stop to believing these thoughts. There is no upside to beating yourself up. Let your brain know that it’s opinion is noted but is no longer going to be tolerated. Speak to yourself as you would to your best friend.

Next week I will continue this topic and discuss the necessary steps to moving forward during divorce in a professional or business capacity. Stay tuned!