You got married and had kids. The kids became the epicentre of your universe.
You put all your desires on the back burner.
Your marriage fell apart, your spouse left, and your family shattered.
(Hint – this has something to do with the above paragraph).
Now you are a single mom.
Your schedule revolves around your children.
It’s a big deal to have a night out.
You live in a family where everyone’s medical needs, including the dog’s, come first.
The kids depend on you for meals, drives and homework monitoring.
The kids are moody and rude.
Perhaps they behave like your ex.
They are becoming entitled assholes with social problems

You believe this is all due to the circumstance of your divorce.
Or because of their other parent.
Or because of their diagnosis of ADHD/anxiety/ASD etc.

Despite feeling overwhelmed and burned out,
You continue as their punching bag and the housemaid.
Because, as their more capable parent, you are obligated to be there for your kids.
It is your job to hold down the fort,
And be ever-available for the kids.
You have become an unfortunate basket case with clueless kids.
Why is this all happening?
Is it the divorce or the ADHD?
Or is there something that you are bringing to this equation?
Spoiler alert: you ARE bringing something to this equation.
You are operating under some very common “mom rules of engagement“:
  • The children are the most important humans in the house, and it is a mom’s obligation to sacrifice for the children
  • They can’t handle disappointment so I must mitigate all of this
  • I need to be there for them, regardless of their behaviour, because I have fractured our family 
  • He doesn’t behave appropriately because his diagnosis
  • I cannot do anything that might be used against me in litigation
The peril of not fixing this is that the cycle repeats itself.
These clueless kids become incapable adults.
Actually, I am sugar-coating…
They become unemployed adults who live in your basement smoking weed.
Or, if they do snag a spouse, they drive that person crazy and end up divorced.
If you are raising clueless kids instead of capable adults,
You are missing the opportunity to create primal safety for them.
This starts by operating your house as a microcosm of the world.
  • Where you engage with your children based on skill and social appropriateness.
  • Where mom is no longer the emotional barf bag.
  • Where mom is no longer the house frau.
  • Where mom sets, states and holds standards of behaviour that are universally acceptable.
You are not raising children.
You are raising adults.
That the world will want to embrace.