This week I attended a parenting class from one of my mentors Bev Aron. I grabbed a few pearls that I want to share with you today to help you with single parenting.
Your kids come pre-programmed
Did you know you don’t have to teach your kids as much as you think you should? It is possible that they will learn everything that they need to know, even if you don’t teach them.
I can’t prove this to be true, but I am choosing to believe this, because I am tired. I don’t have the stamina to continue the responsibility of creating a civilized productive member of society.
If you feel exhausted as a single parent, perhaps you can also believe that your child comes pre-programmed with everything s/he needs to know. If they haven’t learned it yet, it is because the program is not available until they reach the age that they are supposed to learn it.
Believe in the program that already exists in your child. Take some time to yourself to relax. You will show up as a better parent.
Your kids hear your thoughts
If you think you can hide what you are thinking from your kids, think again. Your kids hear your thoughts, not your words. So be very intentional about what you think about your kids and your ex. It really matters. These thoughts can become their belief systems.
Your kids want your attention
Once you understand that more than anything your children want your attention, you can understand bad behaviour. Rudeness makes sense. I am not suggesting that you condone it, but you can certainly understand it. Bad behaviour will usually successfully garner attention.
What if you didn’t need to reward bad behaviour with attention? No good results come from shaming or isolating your children. Consider this when your child comes from your ex’s and is foul. Single parenting like a boss means ignoring the behaviour to deprive it of oxygen.
No one is more in tune with your child than you
Anyone who has coached with me before a custody assessment will keep this thought front and centre. There is no one on this planet who can advocate better for your child than you. Feel free to disagree with expert advice, including doctors, lawyers and your ex (who is a self-proclaimed expert I am sure).
Here is what I’m working on
Since attending that class, I have been working on 2 things:
- believing that my son is preprogrammed with everything he needs to become a decent adult
- paying attention to the content of his words while ignoring the tone (this one is harder!)
I would love to hear if any of these ideas resonate with you and what you might try this week.