The worst part of a high conflict divorce is how badly we feel for our kids. We hate to have them subjected to inappropriate behaviour and as a parent, there is an intense feeling of guilt and desperation. I hated that my son, who already had special needs, had to go through my 4 year hurricane divorce. I can say now with certainty that although it wasn’t fun, it was a gift for us both. It taught us both how to set strong boundaries and keep toxicity out of our lives.
Here are a few pearls that I can share with you:
- don’t pretend nothing is wrong when your child asks you. They know better and by dismissing their concerns you are being disrespectful of their wisdom and intuition. It is ok for their parent to be struggling as long as they know that parent is working on getting healthier and stronger
- the healthy parent is the barometer of the house – if you are fearful, your child will be too – do the work to find your inner warrior
- put on your oxygen mask first. You cannot be therapeutically available to your child if you are unwell yourself. Do everything in your power to heal PTSD. It sets an example for your child and will enable you to be a constructive parent.
Feel free to contact me for a coaching session if you would like to discuss this further.