If you are divorcing a narcissistic ex, you better buckle up. Get ready for the battle of you life. Today I want to share with the vacillating personas that the narcissist will employ as needed to keep you spinning.
The 3 faces of a Narcissistic Ex
Your narcissist ex will vacillate between 3 persona in order to suit his/her agenda. They are: the Hero, the Aggressor and the Victim. At any point during your divorce battle, especially if your ex is under litigious pressure, s/he will employ these persona.
1. The Hero
This is the ex who is pretending to be accommodating in order to woo you into thinking that s/he wants what is best for you and the children. This false kindness may derail you into thinking you can negotiate with your ex without the expense of a lawyer, or even reconcile. Don’t be fooled by the Hero. This is just a ruse that will delay the inevitable.
2. The Aggressor
Often the Hero becomes the Aggressor when s/he does not get his/her way. Once you show any resistance to doing exactly what your Ex wants, you will face a litany of threats, name calling, smearing and accusations. This hostile, bullying behaviour is designed to shake you and deter you from being strong. This is the time to double down on your self coaching to stay on track.
3. The Victim
When all else fails, the Narcissistic Ex will play the victim card. They will try to convince anyone who will listen that they have been wronged. This will include your kids, so buckle up! Expect your kids to implore you to take mercy on their parent. My Ex even had his girlfriend phone me to try to get me to step down. Don’t succumb to this tactic. You may have been a softy during the marriage but this is the time to find your inner Warrior.
Once you understand and recognize the 3 faces of a Narcissistic Ex, you will begin to predict what is coming next. This will give you a powerful advantage and help you win.