April 29, 2022 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

For the longest time, I was convinced that I was the “victim” of my husband’s infidelity.

I was sure that our divorce was 100% on him.


Here was my narrative:

I was a good wife, an amazing mom, fit and healthy.

I prepared nice meals.

I worked part-time and contributed to the family income.

I devoted myself to remediating our son who had several developmental challenges.


All the while…

He played golf, he barely worked, and he hooked up.


What gives?

Turns out I was thinking something that guts more marriages than anything else.

It has taken me 7 years post-separation, to realize that this belief in my brain was somewhat responsible for the demise of my marriage.


Are you ready for it?


“My child comes first”


I never actually uttered those words.

But I didn’t have to.

Because people always know what you are thinking.

And my husband could read my thought loud and clear.


“My child comes first”


My relationship with my son was more important to me than my relationship with my husband.

That’s the truth – and I own it.


Most women are quite used to not coming first, and thoughts like this may not bother them.

But for men…this can be the thought that would keep a man golfing all day, and looking for a place to be someone’s number one all night.


 Shouldn’t the child come first?

Maybe not.

Maybe in a family, everyone should have equal status, including the parents (and their relationship with each other).

Without healthy parents…the kids would not eat well, have a nice home, and enjoy great activities.


The takeaway

If you are separated or divorced, this may not seem relevant. But actually…it is.

Because I know that you want to move forward, as a single mom, in a house that functions both respectfully and productively.


For this to happen, all humans in the household need to have equal value. Especially the income earners!


And if you happen to find the most fabulous romantic partner,

I wouldn’t want these old thought habits to gut your dreams.