What is going on in your life right now that you think should not be happening?

  • your ex is moving in with his girlfriend?
  • the people in the apartment next door are playing the drums at 9pm?
  • your lawyer charged you $1000 for reviewing your file?
  • I just got 3 hostile messages on OFW
  • the ex taught your kids to swear

This thought is poison

This should not be happening is one of the most poisonous thought you can ever have. How do you know it should be happening? Because it is.

Here is the thing… when you argue with reality, you will lose…but only 100% of the time.

When you think that something that is happening should not be happening, you feel like shit. It’s like you are a victim of your circumstance.

But it’s true…it should not be happening

You can give me every reason why something should not be happening, but if it is happening, then maybe you are wrong about it. The truth is, we just don’t know what is supposed to happen in our lives. We also don’t know how our children’s journey is supposed to look. We think we know, but really we don’t.

The more that you have this internal dialogue, the more your brain will seek to make it true. It will collect evidence that supports this opinion. Heck, you could probably get most people to agree with your opinion.

The harder you believe something that doesn’t match with your reality, the more you will suffer. Also, the less you will model resilience for your children.

You can keep that thought…but dial it down

When you believe with all of your being that something should not be happening (but it is), there is no sense in trying to eradicate that thought. That would be pretty impossible. So, my suggestion is to loosen up this belief just a touch.

The best way I know to do this is to start to question the belief this should not be happening. What if you are wrong about that? What if it should be happening, but you just cannot see why yet?

These beliefs play like a loud record in your brain. You need to dial it down if you want peace. One way to do this is remove the ‘charged’ words. For example, if you belief my son shouldn’t have to deal with his father’s toxic behaviour, take out the adjectives and leave just the facts. My ex told my son “your mom is a psychopath”.  Then you can think – it is unfortunate that my son heard his father say these things.

All people experience pain

Being human means we experience pain and challenges.   When “terrible” or “unfair” things happen, especially to your kids, you may not be able to see the purpose or merit of that event, but you can believe you may eventually find out. Keeping the door open to this possibility is epic.