Dating after divorce is one of my favourite topics. Here is why: I never would have believed that I could find an amazing life partner after a brutal divorce battle.
I had no desire to date. But I have always believed in long-term relationships. As both a life coach and a re-married survivor of a high-conflict divorce, I feel compelled to share some of what I have learned.
Would you like a life partner?
If having a life partner sounds like something you might want, you need to approach it like any other big goal. How did you accomplish your university degree? How did you get your job? I imagine you worked at it and went after it until you achieved it.
Great goals are not accomplished by relying exclusively on luck. You will achieve the results you want when you take massive action to make them happen.
Taking massive action requires feelings of commitment and a belief that this is something that you really want.
Use the model to find a partner
Here’s a quick review of the self-coaching model – the tool I use to coach my peeps.
Circumstance: single after divorce
Thought: I would love to have a life partner
Feeling: determined or committed
Action: make a list of what is important to me in a partner, let people know what I am looking for, meet as many people as I can, go on a lot of dates, tell people to set me up, manage my mind around all of the “no’s”, keep at it until I find my person
Result: I find a life partner (and I evolve in the process by learning to handle emotions like rejection and failure!)
What about COVID?
COVID is the ideal time to date. Stay with me here.
I love that COVID will slow things down and force you to date without the addition of physical intimacy until there is trust and strong feelings. It forces you to see if there is a meeting of the minds before you hop in the sack.
That is what creates an amazing life partnership. A foundation of friendship, trust, and want-match.
What about online dating?
Full transparency – I have never online dated. But, it seems like a very sensible way to take the necessary massive action to find a life partner.
If I were to online date…here’s what I would do. I would be very honest and candid – totally myself. I would post pics that capture exactly who I am – big thighs and crooked bottom teeth. Cyclist, life coach, veterinarian, a 52-year-old divorcee who has a glass of wine every day at 6. No shame or hiding.
As for sites, I think I would choose the most expensive ones to help weed out those who are not serious about finding a life partner.
There you have it….dating advice from the twice-divorced gal who finally got it right. If you have any tips on dating after divorce – please send them for a future post.