August 16, 2021 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

When life throws you a wrench…make it a power tool.

In your divorce battle, you are going to have a myriad of unwanted circumstances. Wrenches.

Crappy judges, unfair rulings, lawyer errors, parenting kafuffles.

How you react to these circumstances is everything.

Every wrench is a neutral circumstance

Every wrench needs to be distilled down to the facts only. Remove all of your commentary. Remove the adjectives.

Example: My stupid ex just introduced the kids to his new girlfriend only 3 months after leaving us.

Facts: You have an ex-husband and children. You and your husband physically separated 3 months ago. The children met a woman through him.

Notice how neutral and factual this is when we take out your narrative, your opinion, and your adjectives. It is much easier to look at it as a neutral circumstance and intentionally decide what you want to think about it so that it can become a power tool.

To make this wrench into a power tool you need to think about it strategically rather than emotionally. What can you think about this that serves you? Maybe this is a great example of non-child-centered behaviour to present to a custody assessor or a judge. Maybe your kids will be safer when she is around.

When my ex introduced my son to his girlfriend (who predates our separation, lol) I intentionally considered the fact that my boy would be better cared for by this woman than his own dad. Wrench became power tool.

The wrench that I made into a power tool

You may have already heard about my big defeat in court. That was a nasty wrench that granted my ex unsupervised parenting time with my son despite some pretty aberrant behaviour. Shitty judge. Incompetant representation. Bad ruling.

After licking my wounds and finding a new lawyer, she was quick to point out that this wrench could actually become a power tool. First, it pushed me to retain new counsel. Next, it amplified the validity of our custody assessment as my ex would be having parenting time.

Where are your potential power tools?

What wrenches can you turn into power tools?

My client’s lawyer got ill and the discovery was delayed. This wrench upset her until she started to consider how she could make it into a power tool. The delay was a perfect opportunity to display the unreasonable positioning her ex was taking for summer parenting time. She made sure to keep her communication clean to really display his unilateral decision-making. Great ammo for her lawyer for the discovery.

Every time you get a wrench – feel all the feelings of disappointment, fear and dread, ┬áthen move forward. Distill it down to a neutral circumstance and figure out how to use it to your advantage.