November 16, 2021 Stacey Mendelson 0 Comments

You matter.

Seriously you do.

If you are reading this, you are smack dab in a high-conflict divorce. This is no fluke. This dirty diaper in which you currently live is a result of the way you thought about yourself when you engaged in your relationship.

This is not meant to blame you. I am showing you that to get to your happily-every-after, you need to rectify the relationship you have with yourself.

Manifesting self worth is the critical step for crawling out of the abyss of the high-conflict divorce and moving forward to a satisfying incredible life. With or without a partner, because the partner is just the icing.

What brought you here

The way that you think about yourself starts in childhood. Your opinions of you have been formed by a series of experiences from your past. Experiences like being praised for academic performance and being chastised for emotional challenges. Relationships laced with disrespect. Patriarchal religious teachings.

You were born 100% worthy. That is still true. You 100% matter. Somehow you just disconnected from this universal truth.

The truth about your worthiness

The moment you were born onto this earth, your self worth was established. Your worthiness still exists 100%. It is not contingent on performance or accomplishments, and never was – even if you were lead to believe this. That means that no one human being is more worthy than another. It is inherent, regardless of past performance or relationships. It is inherent in your humaness and this cannot be negotiated.

You have just disconnected from this universal truth. The truth still exists, it is just a bit lost. Sort of like when you lose your car keys but know they are in the house. Your self worth is still in your house. Time to find it

Reestablishing your worth

There are a series of exact steps that you can take to re-establish your self worth.  To start to really believe that you matter.

The steps are not really hard, they just need some prompting and practice. Sort of like building up your biceps. Are you ready?

  1. stop treating yourself like an asshole – notice how you talk to yourself in your brain. Become aware of the sentences. Hold them in your hands and examine them. Would you say those things to your children or to your best friend?
  2. Don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up. When you do speak to yourself like an asshole (and I promise you will) lovingly investigate the sentence. Be curious and compassionate. Be patient. There is no fire to put out. Just notice the pattern.
  3. Remind yourself that you matter and you are working on speaking to yourself with respect, compassion and love.
  4. Reflect on the things that you have done today. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and relationships that you feel good about.
  5. Practice gratitude.
  6. Realize that nothing that has happened to you can make you unworthy.

Live your life like you matter

This is everything and without it, you are bound to repeat the exact steps that brought you to this dirty diaper of high-conflict divorce. Your relationship with yourself and your sense of self worth is the most important curriculum you face. Until you have a pHD in this curriculum, you are bound to repeat the mistakes of the past.

To live your biggest most incredible life and experience delicious relationships, you must treat yourself like you matter.